Monday, 29 February 2016

Days of Gratitude - Drums, Darkness and Castles in the Sand

I've got behind with the gratitude blog.  So here's the first of two weeks of my Sunday Assembly gratitude diary.  There have been some really bad days and some really good times too.

I missed a day somehow, February 20th.  Much to be grateful for that day.  I left home and caught the 7am coach to Manchester to stay with Amanda for five nights.  I can't tell you now what we did with the day.  I think we just spent it together doing simple things.

February 20th was also the 26th anniversary of my becoming a Christian in good born again, pray the "Sinner's Prayer" style.  I was going to write a blog post about that before the day but it didn't happen.  That seemed apt.  A post about that period of my life and the reasons that I became a Christian at all - especially apt considering what's going on in my life right now regarding faith and the fasting from church services that I've undertaken for at least the period of Lent.  I've now missed church intentionally three Sundays running and that's not happened at any time in those 26 years.  Roll on the fourth Sunday of missing church!

Picture: Packet of Galaxy Counters chocolate

16th February

Struggling for today. Bad day.

But grateful that I managed to get out and see a friend even though I did spend part of the evening on the floor pressed hard into a corner by the door, nonverbal and unresponsive.

Grateful that she helped by squeezing my head hard from both sides. The effect of that is amazing. And grateful that she bought me this little care package. 

Picture: Colourful painted Celtic drum

17th February

Grateful that I had enough spoons to get to the crazy shamanic drumming session today. Great people, and the homemade soup afterwards was excellent.

This isn't the drum I was using but it's one connected to the woman who leads the group. She has quite a lot of drums and an ever increasing collection of other instruments.

Also grateful for the NHS. As part of medical gender transition I have to be injected with an implant every 12 weeks. If I had to have a private prescription I wouldn't be able to afford it. It can hurt for many days unless you're lucky but it's free and it does what it's meant to.

18th February

Very hard day. I had to admit that I'm not up to something that I had major hopes for and had to contact the people helping me and say that I'm pulling out. I really wanted to do this. It's a damn good idea too. But my head isn't right for it. I'm so called "high functioning" but that doesn't mean any day is easy. It means for me that every day is hard and while I'm intelligent that doesn't necessarily mean that it will ever translate into life skills.

Grateful that the course/business mentors were really nice about it but today it's pretty much impossible not to burst into floods of tears thinking about it. It's a win. Being able to find gratitude when it all seems to fall apart yet again. I never used to be able to do that.

Grateful that it might mean I am forced to take an even harder look at my life. Work out my strengths. Spot the things that this autistic brain isn't ever going to manage. Find suitable passions. And adjust life and hopes for the future accordingly.

Grateful too that I have now cleared out enough clothes so I could put my clothes away!

Picture: Three CDs by Pink Martini
 19th February

Grateful that today is a lot more positive than yesterday.

Grateful to find these 50p CDs in a charity shop.

And very grateful for what's happening tomorrow. But that is tomorrow. 

Picture: Three soft toys, a dog, a unicorn and a warthog
21st February

So grateful to be here with Amanda. We met six months ago today. Of all last year's surprises, she is the biggest.

Grateful for these three new friends all bought for me by Amanda.

The dog is called Nine Friends. Nearly got called Near Twin due to being the near twin of Something Else.

The unicorn is still in need of a name.

Amanda bought me the warthog today. It's called Got A Warthog, but the inflection is important.

Picture: Two very cool people with ice cream
22nd February

Grateful for a day with Amanda.

Eating Creme Egg ice cream in Southport.

Building sand castles in Formby.

Just being together.

In relationship the very ordinary becomes extraordinary.

Sand castles made with beach set from Poundland, and a beach tree.

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