Not every post here will be about transgender experiences, whether mine or linked to the varied experiences of others. But today is an important day to me and my thoughts are on my past, my present, the future and the paths that have and will connect them. This morning I sat in a cafe with a drink and, finding it hard to read, wrote instead about a little of the changes this year brought. Apart from slightly altered but still bad punctuation and the addition of three "I"s this is as written, without plan or direction.
Time to Change Your Dressings
I dressed as him, shook with loathing.
Hiding, hunched over,
Withdrawn into the agony of existence.
Fallen face, sunken eyes
Unwilled outflow of resented, repented past.
I dressed as her, shook with terror.
Shaking, visibly, but walking tall, proud
Inward she - joyed, blissed
Outward he - rejected, hated, abused
Unwanted, the "queer tranny" appears in their world.
I dressed as her, shaking, fearing this life.
Refusing to hide, imprisonment over,
Thrusts herself into the insult of existence.
Taunts and jeers. Weeping eyes.
Undefeated - never the final, fatal loss.
Still dressed as her, shaking silenced
Courage to continue became confidence, clarity,
Curiosity for she who is free.
Outward, she, still she in flesh of he,
She, willed, flowing out in rejoiced, full joined present.