Monday, 5 December 2016

Days Of Gratitude - Memories, The Woodhorn Train, And A Very Dodgy Back

I had a rotten week.  They happen.  This particular week included a moment or two of feeling like giving up completely.  It scares me that moments like that still arise.  Perhaps weeks like this one and moments like those will still crop up for the rest of my life.  I hope not.  But I have to be prepared for the possibility.

After three days of dren I wasn't going to put up with it so made myself go out.  That was a difficult resolution but it was worth it.  Pictures below!

The day out was good but it didn't end the bad week and a pretty rotten weekend followed.  Another week has passed since then.  I have been completely determined to live.  It's bloody hard at times.  People ask me if it's anxiety.  In part, it is.  But it's not just regular run of the mill anxiety.  It combines with how much work it is to get through any social situation, even the ones I desperately want to be a part of, due to aspects of autism.  It combines with all the sensory issues too.

Here then are five days of gratitude including an unexpected train ride and a reminder to myself that I need to keep being obsessive over an exercise and to obey a medical professional in order to lessen my physical pain and prevent it getting worse as I get older.

21st November

Written on 24th November

Today has been good. Head is knackered now but I forced it to have a pretty good day.

The last few days felt very atrocious but I want to catch up with gratitude posts even though I didn't take photos.

For Monday.

Grateful for happy anniversaries. 1 1/4 years since meeting Amanda and arriving at the pretty life changing Autscape.

Grateful to have an Autscape mug and that each time I drink from it I can bring happy memories to mind. Grateful too that I now have a Snowdogs mug that will bring more happy memories with each mug of tea.

The photo is from Autscape - with added sunny lens flare to obscure faces. A wonderful time spent in a park in Settle with two wonderful friends.

22nd November

Grateful yet again for the NHS. With the addition of a preventer inhaler I now have six things on repeat prescription. Without the NHS these two things would be true:

A. My physical and mental health would be much worse.

B. I would not be able to transition in any medical way through hormonal treatment.

Also grateful for the response of someone from this group when I moaned about feeling crap on Facebook. Thank you!

23rd November

Grateful to have managed to get to town long enough to have a bit of a haircut before coming home and conking out for the rest of the day.

Grateful that I can now see without knocking hair out of my face continually.

My head couldn't cope but there is always much light (house). Picture from 3 weeks previously on a day that brought insight and clarity. Always there is light in darkness.

24th November

Grateful for my wander to Woodhorn.

Grateful too that Amanda and I have located a fresh supply of salty liquorice toads.

25th November

First physio appointment today.

Apparently I have a very interesting back with at least five major issues to sort out. And that's before thinking of the knee problem.

Grateful though.

It's begun. It will be an uphill or up-escalator-at-Monument climb and lots of work over the medium term probably.

But he thinks we can sort the issues.

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