A Quick Pilgrimage Pt 3 - Shrines of St. Mary's Chapel and Well, Jesmond

As I said in the previous posts, people leave things at holy sites.  They may relate to Jesus and the Saints of the Church.  Or they may relate to people who were important in someone's life, to remember them or to pray for their soul.

Either way, in a sense, everything that is left, from a photograph of a friend or relative through to an intricately constructed grotto to Mary or the largest Calvary representation, is holy.  It's all holy, set apart for a purpose and set apart in terms of someone's relationship with their God.

It's tempting for people to dismiss such piety as an anachronism, a remnant of some pre-scientific day when we didn't understand the universe so well and so lived according to superstition and myth.  Maybe there is a personal God.  Maybe there isn't.  But for me that isn't the point.  All of this is part of our needs and our beings as people.  We need story.  We need remembrance.  And these things enrich our lives greatly as long as we don't become slaves to narrow dogma and a belief that our particular story is the only thing that's true.  Stories can be truth without them being true.  And the truth can enrich us greatly.  Personally I don't believe that any story is the truth.  I believe they are there as powerful symbols, pointing us towards that which is that truth.  The story is not the answer.  Story can be an image, imperfect, incomplete, of the answer.  Or it can be empty - but even then, as an entertaining tale, it has its use.

Yes, people belittle religious story, the myths that drive and drove the great religions and spiritualities of history.  And people who hold rigidly to one story, as I held to one very rigidly, will belittle all the other stories and worse, call them false or lies.  I believe all those stories, even when we might abhor the ancient moral codes in some of them, bear witness to truth.  All the stories came from people glimpsing that which is divine and grasping towards a way of relating what they saw.

The piety shown in the pictures below, from Jesmond, is simple.  It is trusting.  It is full of hope.  I don't follow the story or the belief system they demonstrate.  Not any more.  But that does not make the story any less valid for those who continue to believe and follow.  For me, the story of Jesus is not literal.  The stories told are not historical record.  But they could still point me in metaphor to great truth, to the divine that the early followers of Jesus had in their own way glimpsed.  Whether they actually happened or not does not at this point make much difference to me.

Having so recently walked away from my church I don't disrespect Christianity or the deep, personal faith shown by so many of the Christians I've worshipped with over the years.  This is their way to Spirit.  Right now it isn't mine.  But I believe that beyond story, beyond ritual, beyond doctrine, we seek the same Spirit.

From St. Mary's Chapel:

 From St. Mary's Well:

A Quick Pilgrimage Pt 2 - St. Mary's Well, Jesmond, Newcastle

Leaving St. Mary's chapel, I walked on to my second destination.  St. Mary's Well.  I'd never visited before because I hadn't ever known exactly where it was.  Unless you know it, the well is not the kind of place you're likely to find accidentally.

Well that's disappointing isn't it?!  The claim here is that it isn't an ancient well and a place where people were healed.  Nevertheless it is still a pilgrimage spot and people visit from quite a distance.  Although I have to admit to being totally alone at both the well and the chapel.  For a lot more information about the well there's this site, which is pretty fascinating.

Steps down to the well.  The story is that in total there are as many steps as there are articles in the Creed.  I didn't count the steps and I don't know where they are counting from as there seemed to be rather more than twelve steps down from the track at the entrance to the site.

The well itself.  Exciting isn't it?

You can that someone has erected a little shrine on the top of the brick work.  I'll be posting photos of it and photos of similar things from the chapel in the next blog post.

It's a hole.  Water comes out, trickles across the stones and then disappears down another hole.

I didn't sample the water.  I didn't cross myself with the water - there was a time that I'd have been doing that and might even have wished I had a bottle to fill so I could get the holy well water blessed.

Gratia - presumably engraved there in reference to Mary, mother of Jesus.  She who is called Gratia Plena - full of grace, or highly favoured depending on your preferences of translation.

It can also mean gratitude.  There's been a lot of gratitude on this blog recently.  And I'm grateful that places like this are so easily accessible to me.

This photo looks back across the well and up the steps.

I have to admit it's not the most exciting place to me.  But I'm very glad to have visited and explored another little part of Newcastle.

Moving on, my walk took me down into Jesmond Dene.

Spring is quickly coming.

Part of the old banqueting hall, now without a roof.

As you descend from the chapel to the Dene you pass two special trees, planted by the path for different reasons.

These pictures are the view from the bridge you cross over the Ouseburn as you come down from St. Mary's Chapel to the Dene.

And finally, having visited the holy well, here's a picture of an unholy well.  It's a little further down the valley, in Heaton Park.  This is "Ye Well of King John."  Heaton Park also contains a ruin known as King John's Palace.  The palace has nothing to do with King John at all although there is a story that King John did visit a palace in Heaton.  It was a fortified house, the seat of Adam of Jesmond.  The well too was not actually King John's.

The religious world develops pious stories.  In Jesmond we saw the tale of a holy well that had never been holy at all until the tale was developed.  The secular world is just the same.  In Heaton we have a well belonging to a King, a King who never owned the well.

We are human.  We need stories.  That's never going to change and it's not a bad thing.

A Quick Pilgrimage Pt 1 - St. Mary's Chapel, Jesmond, Newcastle

You know those days.  Normal days.  Days when you head into town to wander or shop, or just to get out of the house for a while and be somewhere different.  Days when you're travelling in on the Metro - or the bus, because most of you don't have a Metro to travel on.  Days when the Metro stops at a station.  And you suddenly decide that going to town isn't the best idea and that what would really suit at that moment is to make a quick pilgrimage somewhere.  And so you get off the Metro, or the bus, on the spur of the moment.  And you walk to a pilgrimage site.

You know those days.  Doesn't everyone have those days?

Now in my case I'm fortunate.  It can be a quick pilgrimage.  Because a short walk from Ilford Road Station is Jesmond Dene, a place I've visited quite often but not yet blogged about.  And above Jesmond Dene is a site of pilgrimage.  So it's easily accessible for me.  This is no fifty mile pilgrimage walk to a shrine hidden in the wilderness.  Or a well planned trek to Santiago de Compostela  This is easy.  It's the lazy person's pilgrimage.

Nevertheless, of the two pilgrim spots I'd only ever been to one before.  It was only quite recently that I learned exactly where the other one was.  Destination one was this place:

I walked to it a different route than I'd done before.  To save time.  Yes, it's really the lazy person's pilgrimage.  I took the road route, which is normally a quiet road but at present it's much quieter than usual due to being closed to traffic.  From the main road to the chapel I only passed one person.  Nearing the chapel you come to the Banqueting House.  You can't just walk through the door.  But it does look amazing inside I hope that the place does get restored and put to good use.  Take a look through this video from 2011, walking through the front door and down to the hall.  On the wall of the banqueting hall is this, the coat of arms of Newcastle.  Pop quiz:  Where would you find the oldest known image of those three castles still in existence?

On to the chapel.  I took lots of pictures.  They are all taken on my cheap Nokia phone, with no editing except a bit of cropping.  My phone isn't good at colour - I'm sure that coat of arms isn't at all pink.

An information board out side the chapel reads as follows:

St. Mary's has been a place of pilgrimage for centuries.

A holy relic, perhaps linked to the Holy Virgin, was once housed at the chapel and pilgrims came from across the land to worship here.  Relics were sacred remains such as saints' bones or fragments of the True Cross brought back from the Holy Land.

Miracles are reputed to have taken place among the sick who visited the church and the nearby holy well.

It is said that Pilgrim Street, in the centre of Newcastle, was where pilgrims lodged on their way to this holy shrine.

In 1479, a rector from Yorkshire left money in his will for pilgrims to travel to the four most holy places in the kingdom.  His list ranked St. Mary's Chapel in Jesmond alongside the great cathedrals of Canterbury and St. Paul's in London.

There's lots of information about the site online.  Try this from Historic England, or this local site, which has photos taken on a sunnier day and with a decent camera.

The chapel is worth visiting.  If you're ever walking up or down Jesmond Dene take some time to walk up the hill and see it.  It doesn't take long.

So there you go.  Just days after announcing that I'm leaving my church I find myself on pilgrimage to a ruined chapel.  And to a holy well too.  But pictures of the well can wait until the next post.  I've also taken pictures of Catholic piety - all the little shrines that people have created on the sites, the holy items they've left behind.  Those too can wait for another post.  I like such things.  When I was a Catholic I too was known on occasion to leave holy items - prayer beads usually - at a shrine.  I'm sure it was of more benefit to me than to either the shrine or to God.  God doesn't need these things.  But maybe some of us do.

Days of Gratitude - International Transgender Day of Visibility

Just one day from the gratitude diary.  I confess I wasn't that visible on this day.  I can't be too visible unless I go out and then I am visible.  At least I think I am - I do get stared at a lot.  A friend had a competition with me to see which of us gets stared at the most.  I won.  We don't really mind though.  If people stare at us then it is a worry to them not to us.  Let them stare.

I did manage to get out in the evening.  I'm quite proud of that because the day was hard.  I ended up on the floor, crying.  My head wasn't doing well.  But I went out - to an introductory talk with practical exercises on the subject of scrying and similar things like the use of flames and pendulums.  People use them for divination of all kinds of things but I am a sceptic.  I am very doubtful about these things.  I think they can all be used though as an intuitive tool to get in touch with the answers we already know, with our inner selves.  They help us to move out of our heads and away from all the blockages and rituals we have in our heads that stop us finding answers.  As that kind of tool I think these things can be really useful.  Not that I use them much.  But personally I haven't seen good evidence that they could be used to foretell events or reveal anything that we don't on some level know already.

Yes. Getting out was hard but I did it.  Yay for me!  Anyway.  My gratitude diary post.  And I really am grateful for being able to be me.

31^st March

It was International Transgender Day of Visibility.

As a trans person in the UK who finally came out in 2013 I have a lot to be grateful for. A lot. I am in a situation where most people I meet respect me for doing this not reject me. (Some people did reject me and it hurt at the time but life is better now.)

We have come so far. The law has improved. Media portrayals have improved. We're not always the butt of the joke any more, that frequent punchline of "Eugh, disgusting, you accidentally fancied one of THOSE." Our stories are being told. Lots. This day was even covered in The Metro, with stories from several trans people. For the majority of people, at least in this area, it's almost a non-issue. Clare is Clare. People are people.

Visibility is important. Without all the trans people who have dared to be visible and open we would not be where we are now.

But we have a long way to go. I don't think I know a single trans person who has transitioned or is transitioning and who hasn't received quite a lot of abuse for it, mainly verbal, sometimes physical.

The law doesn't give full equality yet. Health care and support is still inadequate. Some of the churches and other religious groups treat trans people horribly.

And in other countries things are much, much worse. It takes a lot of bravery to be visible at all in some places. Where going out results in prison or a high risk of being murdered. Where there is a lot more hatred.

I am grateful. Because I have been able to stand up and be Clare not him. Because my life is so much better as a result of doing it. Grateful for the people who did it before me, who often struggled far more than I had to.

Their struggles paved the way for where we are today.

Days of Gratitude - The Bad Days and a Sudden Autistic Theatre

Three more days of gratitude.  There have been some really awful days recently with my mental health.  In the space of a week there were three days on which I couldn't go out at all because my head just couldn't cope with it.  And another day on which I couldn't go out in the day and then forced myself out for the evening even though I felt so bad.

It's not all walking by the sea, dancing, and generally having a good time.  The 26th from the last post was a rubbish day and the positive entry was written the following morning.

And then there's this day:

28^th March

One of those days in which my head falls to pieces and I get up already with zero spoons to spare. Which perhaps isn't surprising after yesterday. A great day but hard for me. Getting out in the evening was stunning but it took a lot for me to get out and do it. And lunch time included, without even any warning, a high pressure version of "You must have eye contact and join in with the enforced eye contact" which just isn't something I can cope with. (I couldn't join in at all and only just managed not to either walk out or meltdown.)

Yeah, today was bad. Very bad for a while. Life with this head isn't easy.

Grateful that today is one day, not every day. And that even in the bad days there is light and there is blessing and there is the knowledge that good days will come again.

 (Photo taken in Manchester Art Gallery)

 

29^th March

Grateful that the bad days can be survived and that love is still real. Grateful that I was just about able to get through most of my electrolysis appointment without total shut down or too many tears. Much rocking afterwards.

Grateful for the screensaver on the laptop which puts up photos randomly, all of which were taken in the last 8 months and remind me of good times, good people and of one very special friendship that means so much.

30^th March

Opening my emails at 6.17pm and finding that the theatre had reserved me a ticket. For a show at 7.00pm. I got there in time.

The show was written and produced by Spectrum Theatre, a group of young autistic people from the area. And it was about autism and the experiences of an autistic person.

Given that Friday is the start of Autism Acceptance Month (please don't "Light it Up Blue" anyone, please, the origins of that campaign are rather dodgy no matter how good individuals who participate may be) this photo will do.

Days of Gratitude - Fun is Banned. Cybermen and Leaving Church.

Another four days from my gratitude diary.  This one contains something big for me.  The entry for March 26th is life changing.  It feels like I've ripped out the thing that has been at the core of my life and my reason for living.  It's been there for 26 years.  And now it isn't there any more.  There's a gap and it's a big one.  In time that gap can be filled with things that mean more to me, things that inspire me with a greater love and passion for life.  Or it might turn out that having a gap is okay, that it doesn't need to be filled.  Or maybe even I will find out that there isn't a gap at all, just the unfamiliarity of loss and the grieving process that accompanies it.

24^th March

Grateful for a random cyberman on a wall in Newcastle.

25^th March

Grateful for the stunning weather and that I was able to be out and enjoy it.

Grateful too for conversations with my magic friend and for all that we have come to share.

26^th March

Grateful for the journey. Eleven years ago tonight (for Easter was the same date in 2005 as 2016) I was received into the Catholic Church. I thought I had come home, found the answer for the rest of my life and the most "proper" version of Christianity.

This is the end of my official fast for Lent - fasting from church services. And I am grateful to have been able to give myself the space for it and grateful for the discoveries I've made over the 46 days.

After 26 years, it looks like my journeying as a faithful part of various churches is over. Lent showed in stark clarity how little it was giving me and how much it was costing me.

I am very grateful indeed. Easter is, if nothing else, about new life and new hope. It's about resurrection. It's about dying to the things that don't serve us. It's about walking away from darkness and into a greater light. It's about being set free. It's about forgiveness and an end to condemning ourselves.

I could preach and Easter sermon now and I think it would be a good one! Anyway, I am grateful. Because this Easter I walk into light, into freedom, into self-acceptance, into new hope and away from what had ceased to have any meaning or benefit to my life. A new day is dawning. Hoorah!

(photo not from now but from sunrise on December 27th last year)

27^th March

I saw this on a wall near where I was heading tonight.

Grateful that I ignored it and had a great time doing something I have never done before.

That something was 5Rhythms dancing.  Except it was Live Rhythms because there were musicians playing live for all the music.  And it was wonderful.  I will be going back and doing more.

Days of Gratitude - Hindu Gods, Ambition and Anniversaries

Another week of my posts from the Sunday Assembly gratitude group.  Life is good.  On the worst of days life is good.  In the past week I've had days on which I haven't been able to leave the house.  Those days will be in the next gratitude blog post.  But even for those bad days I can find gratitude.

Yes, life is good.  It really is.  And for me it's so much better than it ever was, because I have become more free and keep seeking to break out of the prisons in my own head that have walls built over decades.

I struggle a lot and sometimes worry that what I'm posting doesn't actually reflect my life.  It's the rose tinted spectacles version maybe.  Sometimes I mention that it's hard - one of these days is a real mention.  But it's not all fun and games and photos and ice cream and happy smiling Clare.  Oh no.  Some of it is hell.

But life is good.  It is.

____________________

Life is hard. With this head it's very hard. It truly is. Most people don't understand quite how hard it is. But it's good. And I realise that to a large extent it's good because I have chosen to make it good. And it's improving because I have chosen it.

And when you make that choice the universe looks at you after a while and says, "Hey, she must enjoy a good life because she's chosen it, so we're going to send a few more good things to her."

When we mope in misery (which I've always been good at) the universe thinks that we enjoy being miserable so after a while cooperates with us by sending some more misery for us to enjoy.

Of course we all have our troubles but I'm learning that if we choose the good, more good comes our way through "coincidence" and random connections than if we don't choose it.

16th March

Grateful that after playing the piano I can close the lid and reveal these tiles. Grateful for having the piano too.

I know it's a godless assembly, but here are a bunch of gods! But as one Hindu said, "We have 10,000 gods but not one of them is divine."

17^th March

This week I've been massively social for me. Or at least I've tried to be. It costs me so many spoons even if I want to do it and love the people. (Except for a couple of people who cost no spoons because they are safety.) Arranging it and preparing my head for it wears me out lots.  If I go out of my way to meet socially with someone it generally means they are really important to me.

Nevertheless, I arranged to go out on three occasions and meet with people. All three of them pulled out on the day for different reasons.  It's nothing personal.  They all had good reasons.  But changing plans is also very costly for my head.  And building myself to be social and then it not happening costs me a lot.

I am grateful.

Not for repeatedly trying and failing to have a social life. But because I am really proud of myself. Because I didn't then just sit at home but went out anyway and did things on each of the days. For me, that is something big, something that's very hard work.

 Today: A walk down to the Tyne and then to the Baltic and Sage and back over the High Bridge in stonkingly gorgeous Spring weather. So glad I managed it. This is such an amazing place to live.

And I took too many pictures. Many more than these.

18^th March

Grateful that thanks to Megabus I can get to Manchester twice this month.

Grateful for the love we share and for the silliness and the freedom too.

 19^th March

Grateful for our trip to the seaside.

For doughnuts, for double ice cream, for chips, for the freedom of riding on a Victorian carousel, and for more double ice cream.

The simple things can be the best.

Image: An awesomely cool person sitting on ambition

 20^th March

Grateful for this stupendously super friendship.

Grateful to be spending these days with someone so awesomely cool.

21^st March

Grateful for a really good day with Amanda , the last for a while. Seven months since we met.

Grateful for all the people you can learn about at The People's History museum, without whom all of our lives would be far less free.

And grateful for carer free tickets which meant our trip to the theatre last night only cost £4 each. Photo taken while waiting for the bus afterwards.

22^nd March

Grateful to be home again and with a few things to look forward to. Grateful that my time away was so good. I have quite a lot of problems but I really am very, very fortunate.

23^rd March

I guess it would be odd to not post this for today.

Twenty years ago, this happened in a church in Aberystwyth.

Twenty years on, we are both very different.

And though I have put her through so much - especially with my mental health but other things too - we are still here and she has not walked away.