Sunday, 3 April 2016

Days of Gratitude - The Bad Days and a Sudden Autistic Theatre

Three more days of gratitude.  There have been some really awful days recently with my mental health.  In the space of a week there were three days on which I couldn't go out at all because my head just couldn't cope with it.  And another day on which I couldn't go out in the day and then forced myself out for the evening even though I felt so bad.

It's not all walking by the sea, dancing, and generally having a good time.  The 26th from the last post was a rubbish day and the positive entry was written the following morning.

And then there's this day:

28th March

One of those days in which my head falls to pieces and I get up already with zero spoons to spare. Which perhaps isn't surprising after yesterday. A great day but hard for me. Getting out in the evening was stunning but it took a lot for me to get out and do it. And lunch time included, without even any warning, a high pressure version of "You must have eye contact and join in with the enforced eye contact" which just isn't something I can cope with. (I couldn't join in at all and only just managed not to either walk out or meltdown.)

Yeah, today was bad. Very bad for a while. Life with this head isn't easy.

Grateful that today is one day, not every day. And that even in the bad days there is light and there is blessing and there is the knowledge that good days will come again.

 (Photo taken in Manchester Art Gallery)

29th March

Grateful that the bad days can be survived and that love is still real. Grateful that I was just about able to get through most of my electrolysis appointment without total shut down or too many tears. Much rocking afterwards.

Grateful for the screensaver on the laptop which puts up photos randomly, all of which were taken in the last 8 months and remind me of good times, good people and of one very special friendship that means so much.

30th March

Opening my emails at 6.17pm and finding that the theatre had reserved me a ticket. For a show at 7.00pm. I got there in time.

The show was written and produced by Spectrum Theatre, a group of young autistic people from the area. And it was about autism and the experiences of an autistic person.

Given that Friday is the start of Autism Acceptance Month (please don't "Light it Up Blue" anyone, please, the origins of that campaign are rather dodgy no matter how good individuals who participate may be) this photo will do.

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