Thursday, 30 June 2016

Days of Gratitude - Smushing Away with Laughter, Liquorice, and Liberation

So here we are.  It's the end of half a year.  Happy new half year to you all.

I've kept this up for six months.  I never expected that.  I thought I'd probably manage it for a few days.  And then it came to April and I thought the diary would soon be stopping, that the Sunday Assembly group would be dead, having died the death of half-heartedness, a good idea that didn't quite happen.

I'm glad it's lasted this long.  Posting something (nearly) every day has been good for me.  There have been plenty of wonderful days.  And they have been plenty of days too which I could have marked down as being pretty crappy.  I could have just put them in the "bad days" drawer and felt bad.  But instead I've had to find things to be grateful for on those days and that's helped me.

I've been quite faithful in the gratitude group.  I am the most faithful member.  And I'm also the annoying one who doesn't just post a sentence and a photo but posts paragraphs and multiple pictures.  I've tried to post every day.  And I haven't succeeded.  In these six months I have not managed to post on 9 days.  Out of 182.  That's a 95% success rate.  Woo hoo!  I think I pass the gratitude practical examination!

Yes, it's been a good six months.  I end it in a better mental state that I had at the beginning.  I end it having experienced people, events and places that I had not experienced before.  I end it with several thousand more photos - some of which are actually pretty good.  I end it more comfortable with myself.  I also end it by taking more psychiatric medication than before.  That seems to be helping too.

I began the year as a regular church goer.  Then made the decision, somehow, to take a break from it.  And then made the decision not to return to it.  That's like ripping out the centre of the meaning of my life and not knowing how the gaping wounded hole can be filled.  It's like jumping from a cliff without knowing if there is any safe landing, or any form of landing at all.  But I believe it was the right decision.  Not knowing the answers is very liberating.

So happy new half year everyone.  Wishing you interesting times for the second half of 2016.  In some circles that's a curse.  But may it be interesting anyway - even if the interest leads to dark places those places will be ones in which we can grow in love.  I for one still have much growing in love to do.  But where there is the opportunity for growth, there will be found hope and new life.

Here goes.  The final four days of June.  Who wants to place bets on whether I'll still be doing this at the end of December?

27th June

Grateful that it's not forever.

Nothing is forever.

Be like Blob Thing.

Hold onto the laughter.

I say no more.

28th June

Grateful to have got through it. Tough head day.

Grateful for liquorice.

Some may consider that this amount is excessive. They may be right.

Katjes Kinder, Joris Zouts, Joris Rounds, Toms with 7% Ammonium Chloride, and lots more.

Plus plenty of our favourite salty liquorice toads.

Grateful too for Blob Thing. Everything he represents to me. And that though it may be slightly odd writing he is at least inspiring me to free write at least something every day.

And of course to post it at

29th June

Grateful today for having wandered into St. George's, Jesmond for the first time.

It wouldn't have happened if I had remembered to get off the Metro in the right place and gone somewhere entirely different!

Also grateful for replacement certificates that arrived in the post.

They have my name. Yay.

And that I bought lots of ingredients in the market for smushing (pronounced smwshing because I have to say it in a particular accent).

Tomorrow I will attempt smushing in the smusher that turned out to need a LOT of cleaning.  It hasn't had a lot of use in

Who needs a Nutribullet?!

30th June

Grateful to have sheltered from the noise by drinking tea in the Lit and Phil. I have never drunk tea there before.

Blob Thing enjoyed it too and he found some friends to talk with.

He should be able to come to Sunday Assembly in July. Another adventure.

Also grateful to have been typing these things for the past six months and to be in a better space than I was at the beginning.

I think the photo shows just how much more sane I am now.

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