Thursday, 9 June 2016

Days of Gratitude - Tombstones, Depressing Songs, Attacks of Asthma and Panic.

How's that for a happy title for a gratitude diary?

Seven more days.  Varied days for my head.  On the first four I wasn't doing very well but on each of them I forced myself to go out and do something - which almost had disastrous consequences on one of the days because actually managing to get home again was a close run thing.  I'm actually really proud to have managed to get out.  And very proud that on each of the four days I've gone somewhere or done something that I have never done before.  To do that on a day when getting out of bed is bloody hard work is a major plus for me.

And then three days on which my head was doing much, much better.  Yes, there are still difficulties and there always will be with some things.  But they have been great days out.  Cheap days out too.  Everything I talk about here was either very cheap or completely free.

May 30th

I felt like collapsing at home but then thought, "No! If I do that I won't take a picture or post in the daily gratitude group." Finding the gratitude is part of my self care.

So I got out - Facebook reminding me - and went to the "Grand Opening" of the bookshop at Alphabetti Theatre. Free tea and cake was promised.

It was difficult to do today but I am grateful to have been out for a while. And Blob Thing enjoyed it.

May 31st

Grateful to have dragged myself out.  It took a lot to be able to leave the house.  A lot.

Pot of tea in The Hotspur and a book to sit with.

Grateful too for selfies that I quite like. Last week's transphobic abuse shook me more than it should have. It's pleasing to look at pictures of me again and feel good about my appearance.

June 1st

Grateful to have taken a random trip to the eighth floor of Bamburgh House. Must admit that I was far more enthralled by the view than by the art.

Also grateful to have got home safely. Really wasn't coping well in the city centre and it was so hard to even get to the bus stop. Glad to have made it.  The joys of combining mass sensory overload with panic attacks.  I don't recommend the experience.

June 2nd

Grateful for free tickets. And for not feeling bad about having to leave early when it became too much to cope with.  (Arrived 8.20 for a two hour show starting at 8.30.  Left again at 9.00 for self preservation reasons.)

And for the Ventolin a friend gave me after an asthma attack recently. Running for the bus brought on another one. Grateful for having a couple of years without any attacks. Grace period is over it seems. Maybe Jesus rescinded my healing as revenge for my heathen ways! Really must mention it to the GP next time I am there and get it prescribed again like I used to. My own prescribed one is way out of date!

June 3rd

Grateful for the bus pass again. Had a great day out in Durham. I felt worn out by two having taken lots of pictures by the river. But then walked up to a cafe in the hope that it would be peaceful. It wasn't. But then wandered into a church yard. And saw a path. And wondered where it led. And I'm very glad to have found out. It led here. 

Afterwards I did find a quiet cafe that I'll go back to if I'm back in Durham. Great day.   [Warning: It will be blogged at some point, probably in three posts because there are so many pictures of graves and a few of the more well known tourist attractions.]

 June 4th

I could be grateful that three years ago tonight I addressed myself as Clare for the first time. So grateful to be Clare rather than who I tried to be for so long.  [Picture taken on the Metro that day]

I could be grateful for the Sacred Harp singing day today at which we sang 81 songs including my very favourite clashing harmony in Cobb (313b).

But today I go with something that in itself is simple. The birthday card that arrived from Amanda. Simple, but it means so much to me. Because of everything it represents.

I couldn't be more grateful for that.

June 5th

Grateful that the Newcastle All Day Sacred Harp Singing isn't just a day. So today was a second day of singing, this time from a book called The Shenandoah Harmony, a recent publication. It's a bit like The Sacred Harp - except with a greater proportion of really depressing songs in minor keys with spectacularly gorgeous clashing harmonies. I love it.

Grateful for the mental health to have been able to get along and sing a total of 125 songs on the two days.

Blob Thing has shared his experiences of the day in his brand new blog:…/blob-thing-sings-shape-no…[not sure if it's a little bit odd to have started this but it was requested.]

Advert: This stuff gets sung every Tuesday evening upstairs at The Bridge Hotel from 7.30 to 10.00. Come along. It's free and there should be books available to borrow. Singing wrong notes is acceptable as it's a singing for the joy of singing. It's not a performing. Even when publicly demonstrated it's a singing not really a performing.

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